I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
