its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
