My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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