I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
