In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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