Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
