what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
