to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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