Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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