Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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