dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
