I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
