do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
