I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
