i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
