Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
