dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
