and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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