you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
