why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Less talking, more tequila
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
