Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
