I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
