ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
BRING THE BAGELS
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
