WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
4 words: hood of his car
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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