Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
