so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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