my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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