Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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