You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
