So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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