It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
