What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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