4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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