why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
