Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
