don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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