so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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