she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
