please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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