your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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