I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
