all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
