Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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