i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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