Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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