theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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