I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
