Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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