Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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