Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
