how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
