i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
