Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
