what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
